Good morning and welcome to Brasilia! First, I’d like to congratulate all of you on winning your elections and having the honor of serving the Brazilian people. As a member of Congress you are the voice of Brazil!

Yes, does the Deputy from Sao Paulo have a question?

Uh, no we don’t usually open with a joke of the day. We…Yes, I know Brazilians love a good a joke but I meant you’re the voice of Brazil on political matters, not comedic ones.

Right, as I was saying, as a member of Congress you find yourself facing new and great responsibilities. Today’s orientation will help familiarize you all with the administrative procedures of Congress so that you can more effectively serve your states.

I’d like to start by discussing housing and transportation. I’m sure for many of you this is your first time in Brasilia. All of you will be assigned a car and driver, whom you will meet later this afternoon. He will be able to take you around…Yes, the Deputy from Sao Paulo?

No, you don’t need to worry about affording the driver. Congress pays for it. It’s just something you get by being a member of Congress, like your office. Ok?

So in terms of schedule, while Deputies and Senators do have slightly different schedules, Congress members are generally expected to be present Tuesday through Thursday. Sessions rarely start before lunch on Tuesday, they…Well, I can see Sao Paulo is going to be well represented. Your question Deputy?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand. What work do you do the other four days? Well, that depends on your job…No, no. I mean your other job…Yes, of course being a member of Congress is a job but, unlike judges who are not allowed a second job due to potential conflicts of interest, many Deputies and Senators have jobs in addition to Congress they need to spend time on. That’s why Congress can only meet three days a week…You’re free to return home and attend to business there. Perhaps there is a child’s birthday party you need to attend.

Speaking of traveling home, Congress will reimburse you for all your travel expenses. Will be going over the procedure to purchase plane tickets through the travel office this afternoon.

You will need…Deputy?…Yes sir, if you would like to fly to the Amazon and see the monkeys it can be arranged. You will have three months of vacation when you can do all the sightseeing you want.

I know some of you are wondering about finding accommodations here in Brasilia. Congress will provide housing to its members. For those of you who already own a home in Brasilia you may choose to receive your housing stipend in cash. The stipend is $R3,000 a month.

We will of course be depositing all payments directly to your accounts and your staff will handle filing out the necessary paperwork. All 14 months of salary will be…

Sir, there’s no reason to get angry. I don’t understand…No, I’m not making fun of you…Yes, there are 12 months in the year. I said 14 months because Congress pays 14 payments of your monthly salary…No Deputy, I’m not trying to trick you. Members of Congress get paid as if there were 14 months in the year. It’s a good thing sir. You should be happy.

Did you know, Deputy, that members of Congress are also getting a raise this year?…Yes sir, every member of Congress will receive a 62% raise to fairly compensate all members for their hard work and dedication to their country.

Sir, what’s so funny?…I’m sorry. From one professional to another that’s the best joke you’ve ever heard? I don’t understand. What joke is that?

For those who don’t know the inspiration for my Sao Paulo Congressman character. A professional clown has been elected to Congress. He has passed all literacy tests to date and will begin serving in the House of Deputies come January.