The results are in and we’re headed toward a runoff. In Brazil, you cannot be elected with a mere plurality. Because no presidential candidate managed to secure more than 50% of the vote, there will be a runoff between the top two vote winners, Dilma and Serra.
Analysts in Brazil and abroad are certain Dilma will win easily, but it’s not over until all the vote are counted. The one thing we know for certain is that President Lula will be out of a job in a few months. Rumor has it he’ll be back to run again in four years but in the meantime he’s going to need a second career. I have some suggestions.
Sea captain. With his beard and deep, gravelly voice the man was born to shout orders like “Swab the decks!” Or whatever the Portuguese equivalent of “swab” is. Brazil has plenty of monkeys and parrots, so he can have his pick of faithful, shoulder-sitting animal companion. He lost a couple of fingers working in the factory. He could start telling people it happened while loading cannons during a sea battle.
Restaurateur. Specifically, the owner of a cachaçaria in Salvador. Lula has a legendary love of cachaça. Why not take that passion to the bank? He is charming and personable, crucial skills for a great bartender. Plus, the northeast is Lula’s strongest base so he’d be able to get in a little politicking while passing out shots.
Tattoo Parlor Owner. Not because the man has any tattoos. (That we know of…) I just want him to buy a shop and name it Lula Ink.
Santa Claus. Has any country ever been ruled by a man who more closely resembles St. Nick? Lula is short, with a round belly and full, grey beard. Has he seriously never been dressed in red velvet for a Christmas photo op? If I found myself standing in front of him, I would have to fight the urge to ask for a new iPad and pony. Lula is already called the Father of Brazil, which makes for a pretty smooth transition to Father Christmas.
Who knows? Maybe he’d love life at the north pole so much he’d decide to stay there rather than come back in four years to establish his dynasty. What a wonderful present that would be.
So, what do you guys think Lula should spend the next four years doing?
