It all started when the Littlest Pet army wanted to steal Polly Pocket’s kitty.
In her desperation, Polly called on her big sister, Wonder Woman, to defend her from the oncoming hoard of Littlest Pets. Wonder Woman joined the battle, the tide seemed to turn, but the Littlest Pets called on their Pteranodon freed from Jurassic World for air support. Wonder Woman countered by summoning her dragon, Storm Fly, and together they defended Polly and her pets from the Pteranodon. The battle raged. A pink poodle was decapitated. Then everyone stopped to have dinner.
I’ve clearly screwed up my daughter.
I should have realize it sooner, but it only became clear as I separated the earth-toned reptiles from the candy-colored pets. My daughter is terribly confused, and I have only myself to blame.
I should never have put both super heroes and Polly Pockets in the same playroom. I wasn’t thinking. She’s a girl. It’s not enough that she likes Littlest Pets and Polly Pocket; she must like only Littlest Pets and Polly Pockets. By acting out “Polly has a new pet kitty” and “Epic Battle to the death”, I have no idea what label to ascribe to her. Tomboy? Animal lover? Warrior? Caretaker? What is she?!
If I’m confused, I can only imagine everyone else in her life. How are people supposed to know what present to get her when she’ll play with anything? I can’t ask friends and family to walk down more than one aisle at the toy store.
Also I don’t think these toys can be used together safely. Thomas the Train’s wheels might fall off if he has to pull the Littlest Pets. What if Elsa’s dress gets glitter on the Pteranodon? Dinosaurs that were bred in a lab from DNA preserved in prehistoric mosquitoes weren’t meant to be covered in glitter. Neither are the toys inspired by them. The glitter will probably erode the wings off. I’m worried Batman might combust if he’s made to ride a My Little Pony.
The effects of this cross-play on the toys themselves are actually minor concerns compared to the effects on my daughter. If I had only stuck to tea sets, maybe she wouldn’t insist on climbing the bookshelves. Or leaping off the bed. Or running. Or moving. She would have learned that girls are supposed to sit quietly for long periods of time. If I’d limited her to baby dolls, she would have learned that changing diapers is an important part of care for infants handled exclusively by females. As such, girls aren’t supposed to find poop funny. Human waste management is a serious responsibility and constantly imagining your stuffed animals pooping on your mom’s head is NOT hilarious.
I definitely haven’t bought her enough Barbies. She’s still willing to leave the house with her hair unbrushed. If I hadn’t diluted the effects of the Barbies and princesses by including some super heroes, she’d be obsessed with accessories by now. As it is, she only wants to wear a crown some of the time not all of the time. Since she doesn’t have pierced ears, how are people supposed to know she’s a girl without a tiara and perfectly styled hair?
Allowing all the violent play was another mistake. That battle the Littlest Pets engaged in was brutal and not girly at all. Parenting fail. I bought the swords and shields. My husband and I read her illustrated Greek myths that referenced the Trojan War. We were forcing her to go against her nature when I taught her how to make a fist and my husband recalled his fencing days to teach her to properly thrust and parry. We should have known that having to set the rule “You cannot actually touch anyone when pretending to fight” was an indication our daughter’s development had gone off track.
It doesn’t matter that no scientific evidence has linked war play in kids to aggression in adults. I’m sure that’s only true for boys. A girl playing war is just unnatural. No girl in history has ever wanted to punch something. Girls don’t feel frustration and anger or desire to be powerful and heroic. They only ever want to rock babies, cook dinner, dress dolls, and put someone else’s needs ahead of their own. All girls. All of the time.
As every clothing, toy, and book store here in Vitoria make clear, girls are all the same by nature. So I can only assume my husband and I are to blame for my daughter being different.
I was still reeling from this disturbing revelation when my daughter announced her choice of Halloween costume. She wants to be a knight riding a flying unicorn.
“Like the man and his flying horse,” she said.
“What man?” I said confused. “You mean Bellerophon and Pegasus?!”
“Yes, like Beliphon.”
Great. On top of everything else, we’ve turned her into a nerd.
I love your writing style. It is so refreshing to read something so honest with hints of humour. Yes, I agree with Cara, you are raising a perfect human being. She knows exactly what she likes and don’t like. I think it’s great. My Evelyn loves playing dinosaurs with her big brother. It is quite interesting to watch. I wonder what she wants to be for Halloween for when decided to be something. Great post. Thank you for linking up with me. #FabFridayPost
Thanks Su! I don’t know about a “perfect human being” but I’m certainly raising a strong-willed human being. I’m trying to channel it into creative outlets so she turns into a tyrannical director as opposed to just a tyrant. But I also remind myself that she is her own person and if she wants to dress in Barbie pink and by princess constumes then I (deep sigh) have to let her be true to who she is. I hope your Evelyn keeps playing with those dinosaurs! Yay science!
Great writing you both will learn so much together and will have so much fun learning from each other have fun and share lots of love time passes so fast make great memories
Thanks for the kind words! Learning is definitely happening on both sides everyday. And it’s lots of fun…most of the time.
Love it! You’re actually raising the PERFECT girl. In fact, it’s the perfect way to raise a CHILD.
Pull in all kinds of experiences, let her work out what parts she loves.
That’s exactly what I try to do. You can’t know what a child is going to like until you expose her to it. So when she’s young, show her a little bit of everything and let her decide what her “thing” will be.
I admit I haven’t introduced her to cooking. Mostly because I hate cooking, so I’m pretty sure she’ll love it. Then I will be forced to oversee cooking.