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I admit it. I had X-men comics as a kid.

A couple weeks ago as I was skimming the Internet, I  saw the latest Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer.  I saw it five times in a row.  When I discovered in the comment stream that the movie opens on April 23 here in Brazil, a full week earlier than in the US, I squealed for joy.

Last Friday, I was browsing books on Amazon and it recommended the fourth compilation of the Saga series.  I hadn’t even realized it was out!  I gave thanks to the omniscient Amazon gods and ordered it immediately.

This week I’m putting the final touches on the second draft of my 216 page graphic novel.

I can no longer hide from the truth.  I am a geek.

I suppose I’ve always known on some level, although I’ve repressed it for decades.  My brother is a gamer and has actually attended a Dragoncon, so I think it might be genetic.  I definitely don’t think it was anything my parents or society did.  I grew up in an upper-middle class suburb outside of Atlanta in a congressional district that doesn’t even have a Democratic party office.  There were club sports, sleepovers, and more churches than gas stations.  I had everything necessary to be totally mainstream.  Yet, my absolute favorite cartoons growing up were X-men and Batman.  I watched reruns of Batman every day after school long after I knew I couldn’t admit it at my lunch table.

I was very confused.  I liked X-men comics, but I also made top grades, was elected to student council, and played varsity sports.  I didn’t have trouble making friends or shopping at the Gap.  It was made clear, by people on both sides of the line, that people who liked comics and superheroes didn’t do those kinds of things.  Also, I have a vagina, so I couldn’t possibly be a comics fan.  I was assigned a side, which I’ve stuck with until now.

And there are most definitely sides.  I’ve done my research, and the internet divides people into two distinct camps: geeks and non-geeks.

Geeks like comic.  They also enjoy animé, very elaborate games that require an entirely new language of acronyms like MUDs, ADnD, and MMORPGs, dressing as characters from their favorite comic/movie/tv show/video game, and toys.  Lots of toys.  When not cosplaying, geeks also enjoy wearing cotton tshirts with witty quotes or logos proudly promoting their geekhood.

Non-geeks enjoy the outdoors, Starbucks, Top Gear, and yogurt.  They frequently wear cotton tshirts with logos promoting their favorite sports team and/or player.  They believe books with pictures are for children and adults only read celebrity cookbooks, Literature (with a capitol L), or war memoirs.  When not wearing their team colors, they are wearing Old Navy or J. Crew depending on income.

Since high school, I have been living my life as a non-geek.  I love Starbucks and my reading time has been devoted to Capitol-L authors such as Jhumpa Lahiri, Barbara Kingsolver, Margaret Atwood, and Toni Morrison.  Then some time in my mid-20s, I came across a list of the “100 greates books of the 20th century.” I don’t remember who created the list. I think it was Times or maybe a freshman English major at Berkley.  Either way, I know the list included Watchmen by Alan Moore, illustrated by Dave Gibbons.  I was intrigued.  How did this comic, masquerading as a novel, end up on a list of “Greatest Books”?  The contradiction was there in the title, Greatest Books.  This list put a comic alongside Hemingway and Alice Walker.

I was aware of the term graphic novel but didn’t understand it until I read Watchmen.  Then for Christmas my brother gave me Y: The Last Man and 100 Bullets.  Another year, a cousin gave me American Born Chinese.  I discovered Fun Home was named the best book of 2006 by Time.  Then one day I looked at my bookshelf and discovered a row of graphic novels, what my non-geek kind still refer to as comic books.  I had a shelf full of comic books!

What can I say?  I’m sucker for a good story.  Combine memorable and complex characters with good writing and you’ve got me, even if the story is told in illustrated panels.  American Born Chinese is one of the most elegant pieces of story telling I’ve ever read, and it’s a graphic novel for young adults.

I guess that makes me a geek, but I’m a little worried about what coming out as geek means. Geeks seem to make being a geek such a huge part of their identity; I’m afraid about half-assing the role. Can I love the Avengers movies without understanding the difference between The Avengers, The Mighty Avengers, and Avengers Assemble?  Because I’m really busy and just don’t have the time to figure that out.  Do I have to be willing to stand in line for two hours for an autograph from a Star Trek cast member?  Because frankly there’s nothing short of life saving necessities that I would stand in line for two hours to get.  Although I admire the passion. And the patience.  I could use more of both.

Oh, and about the costumes…they look wondrous but also super impractical.  If I’m going to walk miles around a conference hall filled with 100,000 people, I’d prefer something breathable.  Is there a character I could portray in linen pants and a pair of Toms?  No?  Well, maybe I’ll write one.  As soon as this non-geek geek gets her first graphic novel sold.  But that’s a post for next week.