Our Walk to School A one act play inspired by true events with a 5-year-old.
Mom: (Shouted from front door) Ok, time to go. Do you have your shoes on, yet?
Kiddo: (Shouted from bedroom) Not yet. I need to finish something.
Mom: (Shouted as pleasantly as possible to avoid a last minute fight but forceful enough to convey annoyance at shoes still being on.) No, you don’t. I’ve already asked you several times to put your shoes on. Now, it’s time to go. We’re going to be late for swim class.
Kiddo: (Shouted in complete indifference) I’m almost finished.
Mom: (Marches into child’s bedroom.) What are you doing? Why are your shorts and undies around your ankles?
Kiddo: I had to go pee pee.
Mom: But why are your shorts still around your ankles?
Kiddo: I’m trying to make the top spin.
Mom: Why wouldn’t you pull up your pants first? And why are you playing with a top? Ok, stop. We need to go. Where are your shoes?
Kiddo: (Leaving the top aside and picking up a book off the floor while still half naked.) I don’t know. Mommy, can we read The Book with No Pictures?
Mom: No, not right now. We’re going to be late for swim class if we don’t leave right now! Please, pull your shorts up while I find your shoes.
Mom leaves to find the shoes, one under the couch and one under the desk in the office. She returns to child’s room where Kiddo is now fully clothed but minus socks and looking at her calendar.
Mom: What happened to your socks!
Kiddo: I don’t like that pair. I want to wear my spider socks. Mommy, what day is Christmas?
Mom: (Through gritted teeth.) A long time away but it won’t matter because if you’re late to swim class Santa won’t come. (Kiddo drops to floor and starts trying to put shoes on. Mom picks up and puts away unsatisfactory first pair of socks.)
Kiddo: (Teary eyed and whimpering) It’s too tight! (Slams be-shoed foot on ground repeatedly.) Mommy, it’s too tight.
Mom: (Exhales slowly) Because it’s on the wrong foot.
Kiddo: Oh! (Giggles)
Mom: Why are you only using one hand? You can’t put tennis shoes on with only one hand. We need to leave now!
Kiddo: I pinched my finger in the drawer getting my spider socks and now it hurts. I can’t use it.
Mom: (Muttering) For the love of… (Squats and puts child’s shoes on totally over trying to foster independence this morning) Ok, we’re ready! Yay! Let’s go. (Mom grabs school bag and purse and runs to door.)
Kiddo: (Pulling on Mom’s shirt while she locks door) Tell a story! Tell a story!
Mom: I will when we get to the sidewalk, ok? Let’s start walking first.
Kiddo: (Foot touches the sidewalk. Tugs Mom’s hand.) Ok, tell the story! Tell the story!
Mom: (As they walk to school) Ok, where were we? So the Bowser kids decided they were going to play a trick on their Dad…
Kiddo: Noooo. Not a Bowser kid story. I want a Mario story.
Mom: Oh, ok. One day Mario was walking through the forest on his way to Princess Peach’s castle for tea when he heard a noise and Yoshi appeared.
Kiddo: No, not Yoshi! It was a little Eevee. It was going “Eevee! Eevee!” (Jumps up and down and flails arms) Because it lost its family.
Mom: So Mario heard a noise and saw a very strange creature by the river. Mario thought it looked like a Pokemon so he called his good friend Ash and asked “Do you know want this is?” Mario held up his phone so Ash could see Eevee and Ash said…
Kiddo: (Yanking on Mom’s hand) That’s when Mario sees another Pokemon! A Squirtle! It said “Squirtle! Squirtle!” and it was soooo adorable! And Mario took it to Princess Peach’s castle. And she thought it was so adorable. (Pause) C’mon Mommy! Tell the story! (Pulls on Mom’s arm)
Mom: Mario thought Princess Peach could help the lost Pokemon get back to their world so he took them to Peach’s castle and…
Kiddo: Then all the Pokemon appeared!!! There was a Charmeleon and a Bulbasaur and an Amaura, a Rhyhorn, a Leafeon! All the Pokemon!
Mom: So when Mario got to Peach’s castle he was shocked to find it filled with Pokemon! There was a Lapras swimming in the fountain and Ponyta eating the roses in the garden. Inside the castle, there were Zubats and Pidgies and Fledglings flying around and pooping on everything!
Kiddo: (Shrieks with laughter) They were pooping on the table, on the floor, on Luigi’s head.
Mom: Oh, Luigi’s there?
Kiddo: Yes, a Pidgey pooped right on his head!
Mom: Luigi walked into the castle and felt a splat on top of his head. Fortunately, he was wearing a hat.
Kiddo: But then he took it off and a Zubat pooped on his hair! (Hops up and down laughing and clapping her hands)
Mom: Well, Princess Peach was very upset all these Pokemon were destroying her castle…
Kiddo: So she called the Ghostbusters!
Mom: The Ghostbusters? Why would she call the Ghostbusters?
Kiddo: Because they catch Pokemon and ghosts.
Mom: Ok…so Princess Peach calls the Ghostbusters. They bring their special…
Kiddo: (Yanking on Mom’s hand) You have to sing the song!
Mom: (Glances around to see how many people will get to enjoy this) Na,na,na,na,na,na. Na,na,na,na,na,na. There’s something strange in your neighborhood. Who ya gonna call?
Mom & Kiddo: Ghostbusters!
Mom: So the Ghostbusters show up at Peach’s castle and begin catching all the Pokemon. They had some trouble with Charizard though. It was perched on top of the tallest tower and refused to come down. Peach was very upset because it was going to be a major pain to replace the roof tiles on the highest tower. She asked the Ghostbusters…
Kiddo: Then the little Eevee appeared and snuggled up to Princess Peach. And Princess Peach thought it was so adorable, she wanted to keep it forever. But the Eevee missed its family. So Peach decided to keep all the Eevees and Vaporeons and Leafeons and Sylveons. And then a cute, little Amaura appeared and licked Peach’s face and it was so cute. Peach decided to keep it and used her Harry Potter magic wand to create an ice cave in the yard for the Amaura to live in because it was too hot outside. Then Peach heard the Eevee crying “Eevee! Eevee!” because Team Rocket was trying to catch it!
Long Pause. Kiddo looks up at Mom.
Kiddo: C’mon Mommy! (Shakes Mom’s arm.) Tell the story!
Mom: Why don’t you tell the story?
Kiddo: Because I don’t know the story!
Mom: But you do! You’ve been the one telling it for the last block and…
Kiddo: I don’t KNOW the story! You have to tell it!
Mom: (sighs) So Team Rocket captured Eevee in a net and was pulling it up to their hot air balloon.
Kiddo: No, they were in a giant Meowth robot! That was electric proof so Pikachu couldn’t help Eevee escape.
Mom: What Pikachu?
Kiddo: Ash’s Pikachu.
Mom: When did Ash and Pikachu show up?
Kiddo: They came with the Ghostbusters.
Mom: Oh, look! Here we are! And there’s your class headed to pool. Better hurry. Bye, love you! (Mom and Kiddo hug and kiss) Have a great day at school!
Kiddo: And you can finish the story when we walk home! (Skips off, waving)
Mom: (Sinks down onto a bench) Sure. Can’t wait.
Lights fade to black.
This play is based on every walk to school we’ve taken this past year. It is not an exaggeration. It is truth. And it is every single day.
LOL. I can just imagine.
You ever read something and think, “Has my life been plagiarized?” Yes, mama, yes. Please tell me you’ve seen this comic: http://www.fowllanguagecomics.com/comic/make-pretend/
(The Book With No Pictures is also a hit in this house. Queue endless exclamations of, “BOO BOO BUTT! BUTT MOM!”)